Pls suggest a solution for my questions.. I m very depressed.. He comes late to home after roaming with him.. I m getting frustrated. Please give me a solution.
I am 27 yrs old unmarried female, working as a librarian in a school. I have very low self esteem and low confidence. Everyone at my workplace know that I have low self esteem and no confidence. I don't know how far will my job go. Now I began to feel that I am worthless and am able to do nothing . I feel down now and then, especially when I am unable to do any thing. Sometimes I even don't understand what to do and what not to do, what to speak, what not to speakin a particular situation. I feel very depressed. I feel that everything in my life has ended. I had many ups and downs in my life, due to which I am shattered now, and no one understands me, this makes me feel worst. I don't understand what to do.
please sort out the problems first,as they have not been solved you are facing these situations.is someone putting you down or comparing you?do call me if you need help.
My neighbor worried by saying this about his son, please help her for this problem.
I'm a student at college and I want to go to a good school such as MIT or Hopkins for my Graduate studies.. However, I just feel that I'm not working enough for these schools .. (For example, I always compare myself with people who have actually got into these schools and I feel that I'm nothing compared to them..). Another instance in which I feel this way is when I get logged in a Math or Chemistry problem. I feel that if I was good for MIT , then I would have been able to solve the problem in a jiffy and so on...
I also got a low GPA in my first semester in college (2.9) and i always compare myself to my friends who got a 3.5+ GPA.
In addition to this, I feel really inferior and stupid when I meet these guys and I usually try to avoid them as much as possible. I also tend to procrastinate and surf on the net during times when I feel totally unconfident and depressed.
i think you have a fixed idea of these schools since every one gives a high opinion.if you ask me, ican say that a person even from a govt college can be as smart as a student from MIT or johnhopkins.so dont think about it,first concentrate on what you want to become in life ,then college is secondary.every one wnats to be like obama but we cant,so lets be happy and make best of what we have.cheer up!
What do you think are the reasons why they get hook in playing online games?
Maily boredom,parents are busy to spend time with children.most of them are working,so kids have free time .parents tend to give into demands of children these days.
How will you work as a counselor to stop them in playing online games, or just to lessen it?
First the parents have to be educated not to encourage children.they can have strict timings and no games at all during exams.they can be rewarded if they they refrain from playing games.it takes time to work on the child to stop this habit.its an addiction.
What do you observe to the students who are very active in playing online games? What their behavior?
children who play online games dont exhibit a particular behaviuor but they lack concentration and can become violent if they tend to play games using weapons.
Do playing online games affect the academic performances of your students?
Yes,online games will affect the students performance as it reduces concentration and children get addicted.whatever age it is i wouldnt recommend it for children.
Hi
I am planning to become a councellor and life coach, and I am curious
about what to do if I come across a client I either don't know how to
treat or who doesn't respond to treatment? What would be the best thing to
do in this situation? Thanks very much for your advice!
Please give me details of what you are doing ,if you are a psychology
student you will learn theory and to get practical experience you have to
work with some one to gain knowledge and the rest is for us to keep
updating ourselves on the subject .
please call if you need advise,because i dont know what you are doing
now.i can advise better with more details.thankyou
Hi,
I am 19 and just finished my first year and university. my problem is i
didnt make many friends and i also seemed to loose touch with the good
friends i had at home. Now I am  in home for the summer i barely leave my
house or talk to anyone apart from my parents(who i only see for about an
hour when they get home and they usualy just want to be alone). im
desperatly lonely and in need of some human interaction. i feel so stupid
having this kind of problem at 19...whats wrong with me? does this happen
to anyone else or am i really alone?
This is the time to enjoy life,what happens when we leave our hometown to
study ,we lose touch with friends and we make friends whereever we are ,so its nothing wrong.in your home town,similarly most of them leave home to study elsewhere so you may not find the same friends.its the age to explore and make new friends.instead of worrying you can join some class where you will make new friends and keep in touch.for eg ,painting,comp whatever you like.
sitting at home with an idle mind is not good for you ,so take a walk or wander around some shops or malls.
Hi, i have 2 year old boy, my husband put him to sleep daily since i stop feeding him. (last 1 yr)Since then he became more close to his dad.
when we go out he never ever comes to me. (i guess, "he might think that i will take him home" )my son is giving me kiss & close to me till his dad comes home. once his dad comes he is not at all coming to me.
if his dad shouts at him, he became very sad & hug his dad. if i shout or even beat him, he never mind about it, I am really worried that he is not close to me, i am the one who does all the work for him, am at home for him. plz advise
when we go out. my hubby becomes tired taking care of him or holding him, my husband used to say ," you hold him for sometime", am willing to hold, but he is not coming to me. if we eat outside, he sits with his dad & eat with him,
Am not taking him outside of home anywhere may be that's the reason??? plz advice (he wants to go out all the time)
one more thing which really i feel bad is....
if my son woke up in the mid night he roll to his dad & sleep. (though he is in half sleep (he is not coming to me)even if i try to make him sleep, he immediately roll back to his dad & sleep. (day time if he gets up in the mid of his sleep he used to come to me, that too in his dad's absence) if his dad is around, my son do not needs me, that really hurts.
plz help me out
Dear mam
dont feel bad,your son is too young to understand attatchments.when boys are young,their hero is their dad,and as they grow they become attatched to the mother.another thing is dont shout or hit him,tell him nicely and gently,and i dont know why you are not taking him out.take him to the park or out somewhere and spend time with him.dont feel for all this.please concentrate on his school and overall development.read books to him,play with him,these days will never come back.relax and be happy.
i had a c section 2 and a half month bak.but i started climbing steps when i was 1 and a half month itself..........my question is how many times kan i climb stairs
Dear mam
iam sorry ,this is not my area of expertise,please ask the gyaenocologist in this expert panel.thankyou
my son studying 9th class. but he is not able to remembering in studies. he can remember about movies very nicely. Can i improve his interest in studies. i have worried about his 10th class results. Now his persetage is 65
This age is very crucial.all kids know about movies starting from 4yrs old,so there is no harm,but have strict tv timings or cut the cable connection till exams are over.you also have to stop watching tv,to sacrifice.please check his company of friends.go to school and talk to the teachers.anyway tel him nicely instead of being to harsh or strict.
Hi we have moved recently to hyderabad from chennai. My kid rakshitha is in her nurdery in eurokids. she got admission in maharishi vidya mandir scchool in hyderabad. pls advise me whether to go for that school or not. I dont have a very good impression on that school. thank you.
School decision is yours,and first understand that both the schools are good.if you put your child in a big school from the start they get used to the system.the school lays a good foundation.Maharishi schools are good and disciplined.so i think i would opt for the bigger school.preschools tend to protect the kids a lot.take care.
i hav one dout i want to join mson to school what is the different from CBSE and ICSE replme immediatel
Hello Mam
cbse and icse are different in syllabus but as the child grows the parents can decide according to the course they want to join in college and if the child can cope in that school.
my brother got married recently but my mom who is very good in nature hates her daugter in law she irritates her so my brother is upset i want to know how could i change my mom
Hello Mam
This is a common problem in every house where they stay together.I think your mom is possesive since she has taken care of your brothers needs till now.it will take time for her to accept another girl in her place.It will settle down.Instead of trying to change your mom,i think your sis in law has to be patient to win your mothers confidence and love and prove her son is in safe hands. Take care,dont worry,they will handle it well.
Dear Mrs. Srinivasan, My son is 2 years old and we are really confused on choosing the right school for him. We recently shifted to Gokuldham and are trying very hard to research on the schools in the vicinity. the exercise has been tough and we have not really been able to get reviews. Thru the little research we could do we have shortlisted the following schools which have CBSE / ICSE boards. Can you be of help in throwing light on which schools are good and we must gun for them. We have shortlisted Lakshadham, Gokuldham, Ryan Intl., Childrens academy(Malad), Tridha(advise if this off beat style will help in our sons growth). He will facing a world far more competitive than today.
Q1. Which school you think are good rather best in above list
Q2. Are there beter schools that you can suggest
I thought amongst the expert panel you will be most apt to seek advise on my sons schooling.
warm regards
1.Your son is only 2 yrs old.Right now he needs a good play school for his overall development,i mean mentally and physically.so please find a school that has good activities where they encourage the child to play and learn.its not the time for cbse or icse.the play school has to be near your place and ofcourse good and clean. hope this answer is good enough or please call me.
2.Hello Mam
This is a common problem in every house where they stay together.I think your mom is possesive since she has taken care of your brothers needs till now.it will take time for her to accept another girl in her place.It will settle down.Instead of trying to change your mom,i think your sis in law has to be patient to win your mothers confidence and love and prove her son is in safe hands.Take care,dont worry,they will handle it well.
Hello Mam
cbse and icse are different in syllabus but as the child grows the parents can decide according to the course they want to join in college and if the child can cope in that school.
I want to ask a very important question from you and I think that you will answer I have lot of interest in psychology and I am deep thinker and always try to find solutions of psychological problems.My basic question from you is
1. what is the scope of psychology
2. what type of jobs are available for psychologists nowadays.
3. can i do psychology as a profession
1.Psychology has a very good scope but its still catching up in
india.Preferably a Masters would be good and of course Phd is better.
2.you can work in a hospital,or a school or in any social work setting,NGO'S.depends on your area of interst.
3.psychology has to be a profeesion,because you cannot be a teacher and practice,people would want to look at you as a professional counselor these days.so put all your energy and time,its a very interesting field.apart from your class reading you should attend
lectures,seminars,read other books written by different authors to get an idea.
hope i clarified your doubt,please call me anytime for advise.
Hi I was wondering if you could help me. I'm starting to notice that have a temper and I want to stop it. I'm a pretty happy person but if j get mad I yell. What can I do to stop or control my temper. Please help me help myself
we all get angry but i dont know your age,situation but i advise when you are angry the best is to walk away from that situation and sit alone and come back when you calm down.you can do yoga to calm yourself.
write down the reason why you are angry then work on it how you can help yourself.
I experienced a traumatic birth with my now four-year-old son. Even after having a wonderful homebirth with my second child a year ago, I am still suffering guilt, grief, and overwhelming sadness related to my first birth. My son is a wonderful, spirited child, with many positive qualities; but he also [experiences] explosive anger and frustration and has never enjoyed being held. I have worked so hard to try and bond with him, but it still feels as though something is missing. I know that part of his [behavior] is just him, but I wonder how much is due to his birth experience. Do you have any advice as to how we can both heal from such a traumatic experience and better bond together? I am frustrated to the point of tears almost daily.
Hello Mam,
first cheer up and celebrate you are wonderful mom of two kids.you have to put the past behind and do not relate the behaviour to the child birth.he could be possesive that your attention is on the younger one,so spend more time with him.another important thing is children can sense when mothers are unhappy and they become sensitive,so be cheerful and provide him that good atmosphere.
2.take him out and do things he likes not what we like,i suppose he has started school,so do homework together,coloring, story reading ,clay etc.these are good ways of spending time.
3.do call me if you still dont feel good.first you should have a positive attitutude to have a happy child.
My husband and I are expecting our first child any day now and have planned on a home birth. We are very excited, but very nervous concerning the post-partum period—will we need extra help around the house? My midwife has told me that I'll be on bed rest for the first week, and this worries my husband as he doesn't feel he can take care of me and the baby for an entire week by himself. Hiring someone isn't in our budget, and neither of our moms live very close by. Could we manage the first week on our own until one of our moms is able to arrive? Or is the first week the most difficult? Please lend us your valuable insight!
1.actually the first week is not difficult,babies ,i mean newborn they say
sleep 20 hrs a day so you could have some rest and if you cant cook,we have the facility to buy food from outside or a help of a close friend.
2.you need to sleep when the baby sleeps to get enough rest,most of them make the mistake of finishing the work when the baby is sleeping but they actually get tired as the baby wakes up so they get more frustrated.
3.your husband will  manage and its your first child so you can take it easy.dont worry and be happy at this time,then your child will be healthy physically and mentally.its the time to enjoy youyr pregnancy and child.
4.listen to good soft music and be around good people ,read good book.take care.
My nephews and niece mother died December 6, due to a tragic accident. She was shot by her 13 year old son. How can I tell if they are dealing with this tragedy in a healthy way? He continues to play violent video games with graphic shooting and killing people? Is this normal behaviour?
Hi
It is indeed very sad to read this,but i understand if he continues this
behaviour he has to see a counselor or psychiatrist in person.i dont have much details from you about the boy.please call me on 9500123702 and see me,this is a serious issue.
I am 35 weeks pregnant, and I am still nursing our three-year-old. My question is specifically about the first days after birth and the available colostrum. I have read that it is not necessary to keep my toddler from nursing just to make sure my newborn nurses first. I am wondering if, by doing this, the newborn doesn't receive the full amount of colostrum it would have if I did keep my toddler from nursing these first days? Right now my understanding, based on some reading, is that the mother's body produces only so much colostrum before the milk comes in. I think that by allowing my toddler to nurse, the colostrum will turn to milk faster since more will be drunk faster. I am concerned that our newborn would not get the same amount as he would had it been exclusively for him. Is this true, or would my body produce more of the colostrum? I am hoping the answer is that both can nurse, but I want our newborn to get as much colostrum as he can. Do you have any information and advice that could help me understand these first days more clearly?
Please ask this question to the gynaecologist on this panel as this is not my area of expertise,thankyou
I am a first-time mum, and breastfeeding seems to be going pretty well for our two-week-old, however, on occasion, she has a hard time burping. When she does, it's intense, and she tends to vomit. I am also trying to watch what I eat to prevent gas. She tends to pass a lot of gas. Sometimes she does have a hard time, and we can tell she's very uncomfortable. Are there any natural remedies to help ease her discomfort?
Iam old enough to advise you but medically i think you should consult a pedriatician regarding lactation and digestion problems the gynec on this panel.thankyou
dear mam, when i had sex with my husband my 9 years old daughter have seen it, after some days she is not having deep sleep some disturbed sleeping, when we are doing some work together she is not sleeping she is also sit with us, upto 12 or one o clock mid night. we dont know how to tackle or talk with her regarding this. she seems to be disturbed. kindly advice.
As children are growing you should be careful about privacy as they
understand everything these days.She might not have understood what it is but its insecurity in her that she is not leaving you till late.
in this case i suggest that you do not bring up the topic about sex since
she is too young and can tell her indirectly that your husband has lot of
affection and it can be shown in many ways at night you could be by her bedside and spend some time till she sleep but not in your room.
dear mam, when i had sex with my husband my 9 years old daughter have seen it, after some days she is not having deep sleep some disturbed sleeping, when we are doing some work together she is not sleeping she is also sit with us, upto 12 or one o clock mid night. we dont know how to tackle or talk with her regarding this. she seems to be disturbed. kindly advice.
As children are growing you should be careful about privacy as they
understand everything these days.She might not have understood what it is but its insecurity in her that she is not leaving you till late.
in this case i suggest that you do not bring up the topic about sex since
she is too young and can tell her indirectly that your husband has lot of
affection and it can be shown in many ways at night you could be by her bedside and spend some time till she sleep but not in your room.
Hi, Can you help me with some basics regarding selection of school for my kid. Let me list down my concerns so that you can also correct me if I am wrong..
I want the school to expose him to a variety of activities other than studies
I dont want him to be in a 'school' from his prekg itself..Because i want him to enjoy this period and not force him school habits even before 3..He is at Kanchana Paati Play School and I am ok with him being there till his LKG...and he can start with a proper school right from his LKG..
Another confusion is CBSE/ICSE/Montessari...
Seeking your expert knowledge.
Thanks
Hi Mam
if you want him in a good school with good foundation till 12th cbse is my preference to get into a good college.you will realize this when he reaches 12th that his foundation has been laid well.many parents make the mistake of choosing wrong schools and the children suffer when they come to 10th and 12th ,and they start putting pressure on the child.i have had personal experiences with my children too.they are doing fine with solid foundation.so please heed my advice.good luck.
My son, Rishabh is studying in 1st standard at Pon Vidyashram, Porur. He did KG in SBOA Mat School. When I met his class teacher, she informed by 2nd week of Sep'10 that he is not writing properly and he doesnot know to joint handwriting. His notebook is shabby but he writes perfectly well at home. His handwriting is good. I showed him to an ophthalmologist and from 1st Oct'10, he is wearing glasses. He says he wont talk to his class teacher as he doesnt like her. What shall i do? Pl advice.
With regards,
Manjula
Dear Manjula
children love to be told good things to boost self esteem.is he doing his home work?may be he is upset that she is praising other kids.so please talk to the teacher but dont tell her he doesnt like her .some teachers are very business like,go to school and also keep praising him at home he's the best and he is doing a really good job.
Can you please counsel regarding which are good playschools in Delhi. My focus is on child to teacher ratio of 6:1. And the teaching methods should be on the lines of Montessari Education.
Hi, I am varsha 35 yeasr old i have 2 kids studying in 9th & 6th. My problem is iam not able to talk freely with others not able to look others eyes while talking, and more over i am thinking what to talk and not able tpo concentrate in any thing. is this a normal are what ? please sugest some thing. thank you.
Dear Varsha
i think you are an introvert and shy,but now as your children are growing you want to make friends.when making friends mingle with people who think like you and of the same age then you will have common topics.eye contact if you do it once you will get over the fear.regarding concentration are you havinfg other problems at home.please tell me then i can help.
My marriage has complited 3 and half years. My husbund loves me a lot.and my baby also . He cares us . I am happy with my husbund very .but my husbund has very much attachment with his family.everytime he thinks about them.but my in laws don't love my husbund,my baby,and me also. They want only money.They do drama of love with us.I have proof about that. Because of that ,their behaveir makes me disturbed..It irritates me..so please suggest me ,how can I get more love from my husbund..? and relief from this ..I want peace in my SANSAR..
Dear Mam
are you in a joint family?its a blessing your husband loves you and the baby.regarding men their family always comes first.so play along with him,whether they love him or not dont worry.even if you have proof dont tell your husband because you may lose the love he has now.one day he will find out himself.do call me for more doubts that i may want to ask.peace is obtained by not talking to inlaws to your husband.talk to a close friend or family.
My marriage has complited 3 and half years. My husbund loves me a lot.and my baby also . He cares us . I am happy with my husbund very .but my husbund has very much attachment with his family.everytime he thinks about them.but my in laws don't love my husbund,my baby,and me also. They want only money.They do drama of love with us.I have proof about that. Because of that ,their behaveir makes me disturbed..It irritates me..so please suggest me ,how can I get more love from my husbund..? and relief from this ..I want peace in my SANSAR..
Dear Mam
are you in a joint family?its a blessing your husband loves you and the baby.regarding men their family always comes first.so play along with him,whether they love him or not dont worry.even if you have proof dont tell your husband because you may lose the love he has now.one day he will find out himself.do call me for more doubts that i may want to ask.peace is obtained by not talking to inlaws to your husband.talk to a close friend or family.
I have 2 daughters the elder one is 9 yrs. old and younger is 2 yrs old. Due to the 7 Yrs. of age gap they dont feel friendly as well as feel lonely,as they of no company to play with of their age.Usually they start fighting i dont know how to make them friendly .
Dear Mam
Its a common problem,the elder one always is asked to take care of the younger one.so pls do not impose responsiblity on the elder one to take care.the common activities are different but as time goes they will be fine.please pay attention to the older one as they become possesive.tshe has enjoyed your attention for 7 yrs.
I m glad to see tat we have a councellor in the panel here.
Please let me know how i can contact you for some counselling. I have very serious problem in my life presently and i m totally blank how to react to this. I think i need ur help at this stage. So please let me know how to contact u.
Can i call u over phone.. If so at wat time...
Dear mam
first take a deep breath and relax!
Please call me at 10pm tonite or any day,the same time .relax,iam here to sort your problems out.regarding school,iam not famililiar with delhi schools.do call me on
i hav one dout i want to join my son to school. what is the different from CBSE and ICSE reply me immediately
Dear Mom
If your son is joining school only now,please think of a school which will be good for his overall development.CBSE OR ICSE can wait till he reaches 10th.a good school with good environment,good play and learning is important now.you havent mentioned his age,i assume he is still young.
My son is 7 years old, he is naughty he needs everything on demand , he screams and shouts at everybody, he plays and studies very well. But his character is to be center of attraction and not bothered about anybody, He doesnt listen to us for anything very adamant and gets thing done. i need some suggestions. thank u hemaabhiram
Dear Hema
Is he the only child?You can tell him in a nice way not to scream.its the right time to shape them.dont be too harsh.punishments in a subtle way is ok.you can tell him that if he behaves himself you will reward him.he probably was very pampered when he was young.its not too late.put him in classes,no time to think of tantrums.
hope this helps you.you can call me and talk,95516 87087 and give more details.
Hi, I have a serious marital problem and i dont know how to get over it.... i need somebody to guide me now.... My problems cannot be put up here. so i just want to know where and when i can contact you...
Hellao mam
Please contact me on 95516 87087.dont panic,there is a solution to everything.
Iam from chennai,but now settled in Mumbai.I have a Kid of 7years old,till now he gets angry on certain things he throws objects or whatever is near him.He thinks he should be concentrated more and priority should be given to him. He studies very well. Only thing is,he is adamant and at time irritates everybody around him.How can this be managed. He is a single child.
Hi Mom
single children usually pampered and ofcourse the first child.how is he in school?May be he knows by doing all this doing to get attention.But when he does this next time,tell him in a nice way not to do it and explain to him,it can harm him and others.
keep him occupied all the time,send him to play with others.
Dear Madam, i want to help my childhood friend who's married for 10 years. Problem is about her BIL , 3 years elder to her husband . He's phisically challenged( right hand ) and due to this weakness he turned to be a violent fellow right from childhood . He used to beat anybody who opposes to him , especially mother . Day after day his behaviour got worse , but somehow the family managed leaving him on his own way .
The younger brother thought , he ll calm down as years passby ...but just sitting at home without doing anything to divert his mind , he only got worse.
So , problems arose when the younger brother got married and started living in the same place . After struggling for 3 years , one day , my friend's bil started taking knife and threatening the family , all decided to better put him in a good home , where he can have shelter and food . Atleast he' ll try to mingle with other people there . And they put him in a home where he is for the past few years .
He doesnt mingle much with anybody , never try to do anything but , quiet...
THE PROBLEM NOW IS... The SIL s of my friend have started harassing her , alleging her that only bcoz of ill mannered and not-adjusting - type , she has sent her brother to a home .
They started accusing her to other relatives , stating she has forgotten her past status ( she belonged to lower middle class family) and already she feels broken to hear such words .
I told her to explain things to the relatives . She says she's been instucted by sil s, thru her husband not to tell family things to outsiders ...But they keep doing that , spoiling my friend's name . She being a soft person by nature , is always with a troubled mind .
What kind of advice you can give regarding this problem? She's so sensitive also...
Thanks,
AMS.
Dear Mam
I can help your friend if she contacts me,its difficult for you to interfere in her problems which her family may not like.well,i think the best way of helping her is to ask her to contact me,so that i can help her to cope with situations without breaking down..i know you are worried but indirect way of making her understand is difficult.
ask your freind to contact me or you can come along with her.
I have a son 6yr old studying in 1st std. Of late I have been hearing too many complaints about him and his behaviour from his class teacher . The same complaints I receive from his handwriting tution teacher also.
He always wants to have fun in the class. disturbs the class with his antics and comments and questions. he wants everybodys attention and laughs.. Class teacher has gone to the extend of beating him these days.. and she has confessed this herself to us. My son did not tell about it. she beats only him it seems because of embarassing comments he makes on her. The same with the hand writing tutuon teacher.she too gave the same complaint though she has not started beating him.
On studies front only my husband teaches him because i loose my patience teaching him and i beat him for his poor retention memory while teaching.
I have been hearing complaints about him from teacher from pre kg itself.
I hope i can bring him to you for evaluation and to tell me how to deal with him. because no amount of advice or beating is helping the situation. when I beat him.. he cries and says that he will be a good boy and behave accordingly. when i start advising, he smiles at me which angers me more..
Please advice.
Dear mom
Please come and see me,call me before you come.regarding beating i think its atrocious.he is a jolly child,you are going to put in him a shell which will have an adverse effect later.please do not hit children.come and see me,i will make time for you.my number is available on the site.
is it ok to change school when a child is studying in 7th standard and to change the board from mat. to cbse
hi mom
The first question is why?is it the perfomance or any other problem.please do not change the child if your child is happy and doing well.heard there is going to be uniform syllabus.you can wait till 10th and decide.do not disturb children if they are ok.cbse is equally tough,so dont complicate things.think logically.
my son Duvan is 4.5 years old.. since the last 1 year he has developed an interest in watching cartoon channels on tv.. now he wants to watch cartoons all day.. even if i try to divert his attention to some other games or activities, his concentration will last only for some 10 minutes..after that again he would want to watch tv.. i just dont know how to handle this matter. ..on certain days i have been very strict , i only let him watch for an hour, but he ends up crying and being stubborn... please help me.. as he doesn't involve himself in any other activity.. he cannot make friends easily, often is bullied by other children. so i tend to get extra protective of him..i feel i am not bringing him up properly.. please advice.,
Dear Mom
Its very common for your child to watch cartoons at this age ,but all day is bad for the eyes and they do pick up certain unwanted words from cartoons these days.all i can suggest remove the cartoon channel or disconnect the tv for a while till he gets used to the fact its not there.regarding bullying,you have to learn to bring him up as a tough boy,you cannot keep protecting him all your life.as he grows he has to face more tougher people in colleges and work.so let him learn to fight back and defend himself.please do not be overprotective.
keep sending him out to play,even if he fights its ok,children learn to defend themselves only by mingling with other kids.put him in a good sport.you need to chanellize his energy level.
this is Rameshwari speeking out for the first time, i've never participated in such open discussions so far, and so i'm starting this mail with lots of hesitation in my mind.
i'm 29 yrs old and i have a baby girl of two and half yrs old,i was married in the yr 2006-june,and it ended in the yr 2008-oct , that is my husband passed away,we assume it to be an attack.
Now i'm working as a lecturer.my parents and my sibblings are having an idea of arranging a second marriage for me,but my daughter is very close with my in-laws, and even i dont have any problem with my in laws, they take good care of me and my daughter, finance is not a problem for me as of now, but i'm unable to decide whether to accept to my parents, or to say no to them, as i cannot assure if my baby will gat the same amt of love, care and affection from the new would be in laws.
I'm really confused, im unable to discuss this with anyone, when ever i start talking abt this to my sister or my mom, v only end up crying,and im unble tell them all that is in my mind, so i've poured out everything that i wanted to and waiting for ur reply, do help me to make a decision.
Hello Rameshwari
Iam happy you have spoken your heart out.when it comes to marriage its totally your choice,because you are going to live with the person all your life.regarding your child this age is not an issue,more than your future inlaws,WILL YOUR HUSBAND ACCEPT THE CHILD?this is very important.so you have to think and decide.I know its tough to be a single parent and you do need a moral support as the child is growing.take time to decide what to do.you are not really old that you need to hurry on this decision.
another important issue is have you got over your grief?marriage is not a solution to your tears.iam glad you have a job.
so be happy and tell your mom you need somemore time,as i see you are still confused about lot of issues.you can see me if you like anytime.
My name is ashwini.I wanted to share my problem with you.I am facing some problems after my kid was born in my husband behavior.He has completely changed he used love me a lot before now he hates me lot and lies to me anddont care about me he tells that he his not happy with me.So,i am very much disturbed regarding this i think some times imyself go into depression.I have put up weight after my child birth .I am trying to reduce my weight by many ways but no use i dont what to do .Please suggest me anything regarding the situation.
Regards
Ashwini
Dear Ashwini
most of the new moters face this proble.indian men are possesive and are used to being pampered,this is our culture being followed for decades.so since you are busy with the baby,he feels neglected.he has not lost any love,he is indirectly saying you dont have time for him.so here are some tips
as the baby falls asleep,sit next to him and talk and spend time,like watching tv together etc.
you may not feel like having sex because you are tired but a little hug can do miracles.
well,all of us put on weight after childbirth ,so dont worry about that,you can always reduce later.all he is worried may be you are not dressed attractively as you used to.
dress up nicely change clothes when he is back from office,smell nice,and since your baby is small you can afford to give him lot of attention.
times have changed,make travel plans with the baby.
I am from Bangalore.But my native is Madurai.My son is studying in VIII std(ICSE) pattern.He is lethargic and wont study the daily portions.He is very much interested in playing computer games.(hours together)Previous day of the test only he ll study and get less marks.He won't spend atleast one hour to study.By that time his mind ll divert to have some snacks or eatables.If the answer is lengthy, he ll skip that answer.But while studying for the tests also he wants to play simultaneously.He wont work out maths problems during tests or xams.He ll look after his class work notebook.
My daughter is studying 3rd year architecture.But my son ll always quarrel with her.I am very much worried about this. He is not perfect at home. But outside he is getting good name like he is active and intelligent. But at home, if he gets angry, he ll throw things.Kindly suggest a good solution for this.Expecting your sweet reply.
With Regards.
Anusuya.
Dear Anusya
please pack up your computer or have a password.his age is a very curious age,so spending a ot of time on the computer is not really advisable as there are many unwanted sites which he can have access to.
regarding to quarrelling ,its the age difference and he may be feeling that he is also growing and doesnt want his sister to dominate him in anyway.
help him to put a timetable and sit with him.its good he has a good name outside,its important,all children take parents their for granted
I have a single child and am very much worried about her behaviour coz she doesn't share with anyone and moreover she is also becoming self centred and does not accept if we praise any other child and also becoming arrogant these days are these behaviour common for single child parents and what should we do to overcome these changes she is 5 years old now. please suggest
hello mom
all children born first have this problem.encourage her to mingle a lot with other kids.playing with peers will help to learn to share and adjustment.its not a good idea to praise or compare another child in front of your child.this is applicable to children even as they get older.
she is only 5,you cannot expect her to understand and reason things.encourage her to play with other kids.
I have a single child and am very much worried about her behaviour coz she doesn't share with anyone and moreover she is also becoming self centred and does not accept if we praise any other child and also becoming arrogant these days are these behaviour common for single child parents and what should we do to overcome these changes she is 5 years old now. please suggest
Hi mom
You seem to have understood that single children demand all the attention.well,its in the case of any first child,because parents have all the time and energy.regarding sharing,you must teach her values of sharing and this will come only from playing with other children.you can give examples of sharing in your own home,like for instance you can make her understand you and your hubby share a lot of things .they probably understand better.regarding arrogance,well its too soon to devleop the attitude of arrogance at this age.all children talk a lot because they express their views openly not knowing whether its right or wrong,so correct her if its wrong and appreciate her if its right.dont pamper,be a little strict and set rules.
Am Padma, My 6 year old daughter is very slow & stuborn in response with others. She is very slow in all the day to day activities but she knows everything and not doing when we say something. If she decided to do something..she is doing very fast. Even at school class also she is mingle with other kids and solw in writting as well. Please advice, do we need any counselling or she need anything..kindly advice. Thanks..Padma.S.
Dear Padma
I suggest you speak to the teacher about her behaviour and attention in class.regarding writing some children pick up fast and some are slow,so its nothing to worry.As i can see is when she wants to do it she does it fast,so its a good sign that she is motivated by herself.give it time.you can always call me anytime.
Am padma, My daughter is 6 years old and she is little slow & stuborn in all the activities and not at all listening our words. what ever she thinks and trying do and insist us also to do the same. Compared other kids, she has slow response in her class as well and also very shy in moving with others kids but she knows everything. taking more time to day to day activities. Do we need any counseling or she need any counselling.? please advice for her improvement.. Thanks in advance for your kind advice and help.
Kind regards..Padma S.
Dear Padma
chidren are different in many ways,she is only 6,when you say slow iam not able to judge in waht way.if its writing and reading,give her time but if she is slow in other activities as well,do call me,i can asses the chi8ld.my number is available and you can call me anytime.
dont worry,i need more clarification to asses and advice.
my 6 1/2 years old daughter is very notty. She is very good is studies but her thoughts are very negative. She always talk about things negatively. sometime it irrates us. please suggest us why she did like this and what should we do?
Dear Mom
please can you terll me what is negative that she talks?Please be more specific for me to advise whether even what she says is negative.
I never knew the question I posted would appear on the site,May I ask it not to be publicised.pls?
Hi,
This is the Administrator of Chennaimoms. Nobody knows who has posted the question on "Ask an expert" unless the person give their name also along with the question they post. Please email me at admin@chennaimoms.com if you still have any concerns.
when is the right time to plan for a second child ? am in deep confusion now and need ur help to take a healthy decision . I am working in a private concern and expecting my career transition now .I am expecting to move up in the career as a team leader in another one year's time . At the same time , my family also wants a second child .
Now I have a 3 year 4 month old daughter doing pre kg .Though I am ok to have a second child , my worry is that If I get conceived now , That may affect my career as i would have a set back due to maternity leave and after effects . Please advise .
Dear friend
its totally upto you and your husband to decide whether you want to have the second child.family has no say in this.another important concern is if you are career minded and are very particular about your job,i suggest you do not have the child now.because if you have the child you will keep brooding about the job and dissapointed that you had to give up your dreams.may be wait for a while.dont get caught in between.you are going to carry the baby so think and take a decision.A firm No is not going to harm anyone.
I don't know where to how to start. I got married in 2001 through arranged only. But very late marriage for me my husband. Before marriage, i was working and getting very good salary. After marriage, i shifted to here from Delhi. Second month onwards, he use to beat me or pinch me. I used to inform his mother. She always tell me to give bear. Some problem in his star like that. Now I have two kids. Still some or other he raise his hand. I am 38 year old. I don't have any financial support from my parents side, since they are very old. Now his mother no-more. father is there. All other other his family members are very rich and educated. They know my problems, But no-body have courage to advice or speak with my husband. My husband is doing a business. He is not always. He loves me, Even I love him very much, he is doing his duties towards me and kids. Every thing there. He gets angry form silly silly things also. Immediately he starts raising his hand or leg. He is a educated person, Out side very good image. I dono't know where should I go? what to do? kids are very small. He is not ready to send me for a job. Now I am in forties. I am not able to ananlyze where is the problem? I don't answar back also. I start crying. i am really expecting an answer throuh e-mail. He is very egostic, complexed person. I have only one complaint, he should raise his hands or legs towards me especailly infront of my small kids. thats it. I don't have any other complaint about him.
thank you madam,
Dear Mam
I can see that you are happy except for this problem,one way is to ignore it or go see a counsellor and take proper advise.regarding taking a job,may be he feels you have small kids and there is no one to manage them at home.you should keep yourself busy by taking a hobby.if you sit idle you are going to feel sad.regarding raising his hands in front of children be firm and tell him strongly you dont like it in front of kids.because they will tend to do the same.
I have a very strained married life with my husband for the past 8 months or so though we r married for 3 years now n i have a boy baby who is 1 year old now...Though the problem started with certain other issues now it has gone to an extent that my hubby hates me and my kid n doesn't care for us anymore n i know that the reason being is my Mother in law who doesn't wanna part away with her son no matter whatever situation it is.I have tried to convince him to come out and stay separately so that we could have our privacy n he could also take care of his parents but he has denied everything.He n his family wants divorce from me (which i heard of from a common source) as i stay with my mom now. I cant stay with my Mother in law anymore coz our relationship has gone haywire btwn us but my hubby doesn't bother...I need him back coz i still luv him madly...Im in gr8 stress n Im not even able concentrate on work(I work as a S/W eng) n my kid too....Can u suggest me as to what is to be done to win my husband over n to sort out my problems ???I would also wanna talk to you in detail if that could help, can i have ur personal number as well???Plz help!!!!
Please feel free to call me at 98840-88353 anytime, any day. I would be glad to understand your problem in detail and give the best solution.
Pls suggest a solution for my questions.. I m very depressed.. He comes late to home after roaming with him.. I m getting frustrated. Please give me a solution.
I can see from the whole situation that your problem is your husband hanging out with friends.well if you honestly ask me every one has a different way of relaxation.some of them spend time with family,some go for movies,some like to be alone just them and music.your friend seems an extrovert type.The fact that he takes you out in the daytime is what you should be happy.evenings is convenient for men as they all work and they need time away for themselves.i do understand that its annoying you.you need to get off your possesive nature a bit and give him the space.the more you rebel more he is going to do it.
drinking as a social habit is ok but if it crosses limits then it has to be taken care of..
so lady i suggest you stop thinking too much about him and concentrate on things that give you peace.he is not neglecting you or your family in otherways,so he is trying to balance both.dont spoil what little you have now.
hope you have understood the concept.Man and a Woman are totally different in thought concept.please relax and find things to do that make you happy not to take revenge but which is logical.
My son, who is 14 yrs old and is in his 10th std studying in a CBSE school. He is slow in all his activities., be it walking,getting ready for school, studying et al. If his class mate who is an average student studies 2 lessons in 1 hour...I see my son just finishing half a lesson in the same time. He was good in his early schooling stages. Later I had to leave him unattended as I was working till last year end. Now,I have even left my job to take care of his studies. He is very lethargic,if I should say in a word about him, very casual,doesnt understand the seriousness,importance of education. I have tried in all ways to make him understand but he just does things in his own speed. I get irritated at times. Please advise.
I understand your anxiety as he is in an important class right now.may be he is already being pushed in school to perform ,iam not sure which school he goes to.another thing you should check is the friends circle and his activities.kindly contact me by phone.shall advise you and am willing to sse you since this year is a critical year for him.
my child is now 11month old she not eating anything and also not listening to my words, she not active, she feeling lazy not laughing. so please give some tips
A child of 11 months should be active.from your question i do not have a clear picture when you say she is not listening to your words,and not laughing and other symptoms.please get in touch with me so that i can advise accordingly what to do.For every age there is a scale of growth pshysically and mentally,so i can assess only if i have more details.
My daughter is in 3rd std, she is good at her studies and other activities too.she don't have kids to play in my locality.due to not playing, she looks always bored and some time not showing her interest to read.
she is thinking i am always forcing her to read.To avoid this problem i have commited free tutions for corporation school students, along with the children i am teaching my daughter too at my home(from yester day). i think she don't feel loneliness while reading.
is my decision is ok? how to come out from this problem, pls suggest me.
Dear Mam
Its good you are taking tuitions for children but i hope you find time to sit with your daughter .Well regarding reading it takes time for certain children.meanwhile you can read books to her and spend time reading stories.dont force your daughter to read as she may develop aversion.seeing other kids reading she will be motivated.you are doing fine.
My daughter is in 3rd std, she is good at her studies and other activities too.she don't have kids to play in my locality.due to not playing, she looks always bored and some time not showing her interest to read.
she is thinking i am always forcing her to read.To avoid this problem i have commited free tutions for corporation school students, along with the children i am teaching my daughter too at my home(from yester day). i think she don't feel loneliness while reading.
is my decision is ok? how to come out from this problem, pls suggest me.
Dear Mam
Its good you are taking tuitions for children but i hope you find time to sit with your daughter .Well regarding reading it takes time for certain children.meanwhile you can read books to her and spend time reading stories.dont force your daughter to read as she may develop aversion.seeing other kids reading she will be motivated.you are doing fine.
I'm a working mom,and my daughter is 3yrs old. June this year I admitted her to "Vel's School" in pallavaram in Prekg. Prior to this, she went to a playschool near my house. She is an outgoing little person who likes to mingle and play. But from the time i have put her in Vel's. She keeps crying every morning. As soon as she see's the uniform, she starts with,"I don't want to go to school". She's very unhappy in school, but when she's back home,she's her usual self. We are very disturbed. I spoke to her teacher, who says she's very smart & outgoing in class. Please advice.
Hello Mam
children are very sensitive to changes.she was in a play school which might have been very homely and with fewerkids.the teachers as well pay better attention and are very loving and speak gently .vel's is a big school and teachers dont have much time for each chil.they tend to be more strict as they have to manage more kids.who drops her in school?i suggest you drop her and stay for a while then leave.she will settle down.let me know if you are still having problems.i may need more details.as time goes she will identify her friends.
I am a mother of 11mths old baby boy, and since 8mths we have been keeping him in a day care near our home where a young lady takes care of him, he is very comfortable there and enjoys his stay.
As I work for a software firm as a consultant I keep meeting different people during my projects every two months depending upon my projects
whenever i start a conversation with anyone i meet and tell them that i keep my baby at the day care they end saying something like ayoo papam, so sad how could u go leaving him etc ..These comments bother me so much… that since one month i am in a kind of mental state where i think only about what i am doing is rite or wrong :(
can you please let me know if its ok if babies r kept in day care from such a young age.
Hoping for a reply
thanks in anticipation
vinila
Dear Vinila
It is becoming very common here as well to leave babies in daycare.its ok as long as the place is reliable and clean.iam sure the decision to leave the baby in the daycare was taken along with your husband.so you don’t have to worry what other people comment .the babys age in day care is fine because they do not realize they are away from home.moreover he will learn faster from other children.so don’t live with a guilt because its going to harm you mentally and physically.this in turn will affect your relationship with everyone at home.so be happy you have a safe place for your child.keep checking in at the daycare to see if its kept clean etc.Be happy!youhave other priorities than worry about what other people say.you cannever zip their mouth..hope I have clarified your doubt.take care.
My daughter is 51/2 yrs old, she is very active and very talkative at home but once she steps out of home to any relatives place she will not speak to anyone. even she will not wish anyone. I tries to understand the reason for that she says that simply she dont want to talk. I worried.
Dear mother
Please understand thet children react to situations in different ways.they are usually talkative at home because they are secure with the atmosphere and people.How isshe in school?if she is ok in school nothing to worry.as she gets older she will be fine.
I feel i am rejected by my husband... He is too busy with his own work and at home he expects me to do all the work but no words of encouragement or appreciation... from anyone in the family.. all of them are ready to give their criticisms any point of the day... i expect a few kind words atleast from my husband when we are alone in the night... he is dead tired the moment he enters the bedroom and you know what happens next... He only opens his mouth to say that he is too tired for anything and dont disturb me ... I feel so rejected.. and lonely.... sometimes i cry all through the night...I know its not right to do this... I am spoiling my own health because of this but im helpless... please help...
Dear friend
I gather you are in a joint family and I understand you are waiting to find some time with your husband.Talking about words of appreciation ,continue your work and you will receive all the appreciation one day.have patience and don’t lose cool.dont compare your life with that of your friends.this will make you more miserable. when your husband comes home tired surprise him with something he likes,may be some attractive night wear and good music.change your appearance and look fresh .Men love changes in their wives from time to time..even if you have to do the work its fine,may be he feels you are very responsible and capable of handling situations bur does not express it.develop some hobby or take up a course that you like.have some time for yourself,make a friends circle.you will feel good and you will divert your mind from unwanted thoughts.i need more clarity on your situation to advise further.please feel free to contact me.hope you feel better.
My son is 3 Years old. I was working after he was 1 year old and now i quit the job and i am with him now. He was under the care of my mon when I was working.He is a very good and active boy. But sometimes he beats my dad,mom, servant maid... and also bites them. He throws away all the things.. i am worried about this. Becos he has started going to school.. so i am worried that he may do the samething there also.. Please give me some suggestions how to change his habits.
Thanks and Regards,
Amirtha S
Dear Amirtha
Your son is doing nothing unusual.he has to have his fair share of play.but you can keep telling him not to beat and bite.dont punish him or hit him but make him understand it hurts the other person.In school he will be fine ,as long no complaints have come from the teacher you don’t have to worry.keep talking to his teacher about his behavior in class.school teaches children to play and art of sharing.it will help him.
Hello Madam,
My son is 5 yrs and he is very sensitive and reserved at school. He has not got any friends at school. But he is very active and gregarious at home. If somebody comes to our home, he volunteers and talks to them and plays with them. But at school he goes to a corner and sits, doesn’t mingle with other kids. He talks to the teacher alone and he is good at both academics and sports at school.How do I make him to be the same at school also?
Dear Mom
Some children are always shy when they are exposed to a large crowd.children take their time to make friends .it is also possible he is well behaved and scared of the teacher that he might get caught talking.if he is taking part in sports then it shows he has good social skills.all other characteristics are good. Encourage him into other classes and hobbies where he will meet more children.he doesn’t have to make friends in his own class.go easy on him.
I am Hema. My son is 3 Years and 3 months old. I am working as a software engineer. My son is into pre-school this year. He is a very active kid.
Right from 11 months I am teaching him flash cards then slowly started telling stories, Thirukural, actiivites like colouring, painting, string and beads, building blocks etc etc. He loves to do everthing and is very very systematic.
But when he goes to school is attention span is very less. Heard a comment from his class teacher last year that he is watching all the kids and not doing his work. But if he starts he finishes it. Like that story telling also he is not telling. But suddenly one day he is telling the entire story which i said him few days or months back and surprises every one.
Even if I take him outside, he will be watching everyone. After reaching home he will tell all the objects, shops etc etc whichever is attractive in that place.
Outside it is ok. But in school he has to be attentive right. What should i do for that? I am bit worried.
Please help me how to increase the attention span in school.
Thanks,
Hema
Dear hema
Iam glad to read your son is active which is a good sign.all children in a class room get distracted easily,I mean even older kids..it is only through.observation they learn. at the age of 3 the attention span is very less.please do not put pressure on him to concentrate in class then he will want to stay at home.
I think he is enjoying school.
from what i analyze he is not a dull child,so don’t worry as he gets to higher classes he will be fine.continue your efforts to teach him at home.children have a high level of observation at this stage so do not stop this.take it easy and encourage him to learn more.
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