FYI ...if posted earlier pls enaku thaniya scrap panunga..don't give me any more

Police arrested a drunkard & askd: Where r u goin?
Man: I'm goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnite?
Man: My wife...
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Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
Student: Father-in-Law!
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Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.
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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 over’s, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?
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Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Wats the diff between Complete & Finished?
If you find good wife u r complete otherwise u r finished.
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So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!
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Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles? He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the crocodiles.
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Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons
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Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me?
Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.