Shob, i think we still have a long way to go, before we can even have half-share of many things that men take for granted.

1. No matter how much 'freedom' we boast our parents gave us, can we still walk at night alone, without our heartbeat thudding loudly...? Ur brother can..

2. U have strong opinions about marriage, and decide to wait till u find the right person, will ur family let u.. No.

Like Sayee had said somewhere, if a woman is single, unless she is up in the financial ladder, ppl will mostly look down upon her, openly. Not so, if its a man, at the most, they pity him, or avoid him...

U, i think are talking of dowry, which every woman with even half sane mind, should oppose.. There are no two ways about it.  Just say no...

If i buy a fridge, i expect it to be delivered home, i am NOT going to go and stay with the fridge..

And since a husband is not a fridge, i will NOT pay to marry him... 

Ayyyayyo...!! manda kaanchupoch...!!

Mothathula, we still have a looooongggg waaaayyyy to gooo..

And our 33%, we hope.. will help us thru....

Well said shobi.. Im also one of the offenders of dowri system.



Money is playing a major role in marriage.. For example i was speaking with one of my office collegue about his sister marriage,  he casually said that they were going to put 300 soverigns, a car and some cash to the boy even though the groom is not well settled but they are willing to give these much of dowries and also said that we did the same thing to other  elder sisters also and i almost got fainted on hearing this and he proudly mentioned that his district is so famous for dowry system  and he is getting ready to collect the dowri for his marriage... pinna kuduthadha thiruppi vaanganumla !!

Because of this compulsory dowry system the lower/middle class people are forced to put as much of soverigns to their daughter inorder to get some what decent groom.



Now most of the girls in urban areas are educated, self earner, sometimes a bread winner for the family and they all know wats their strength and capabalities.. But in Rural area its a big question???

First of all illeteracy rates should come down in rural areas, especially for girls in the deep interiors of the country, Literacy makes the person to think rationally and helps to take her own decisions...



Anyway the changes wont occur in overnight.. it will take some era to get rid of the dowri system..

Like Barack Obama sayings “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time.

First we girls should take oath not to get/give dowry for our children in future... This will create small impact in the society.. appathan padi padiya matram kondu vara mudiyum..

@AKILS

Yaarumma adhu unnoda colleague...?

Pls give his details, IT raid anuppalaam..

To get married or not

• Great guy...looks and habits


• Family background similar to urs


• spoken to boy about ur requirements after u marry him....physically, mentally and financially


• if dowry is a ritual and UR family thinks they ahve to 'gift' the boy AND the boys side doesn't seem very keen but agrees to acept

If all of the above are positive then I guess u can marry the 'perfect' guy...and if 80% is fine and u have age by ur side then u can wait for the next match ...otherwise go ahead and get married....but generally there are various problems that lead to even divorce arise when the above falls below 50% positive...the 50-80% is where 95% of the woman today fall under...

To give dowry or not

• if ur father wants to


• if the guys side refuses but then agrees because UR side forces


• its a tradition : In India its tuff to wipe out the whole concept of dowry. But we have lots of gals who have fought back unjust requests for dowry.

I personally feel dowry is wrong since

• its the gal who leaves her house


• its she who even earns now

But I guess its the guys who need the self respect and guts to say no when the father of the bride offers dowry.....and stick to it...

@akils.

Please tell name and adress of ur colleague and the person who is going to give dowry, i will inform IT department to come and survey.

Our system of dowry is not going to change. I think many of u have seen an ad Tata Tea regarding bribe "Yeh log paisa kyon khate hain, kyunki hum unhe khilate hain" This sentence applies to our dowry system also. But no other go.

Hi Gals,

Thanks for the responce.

But most of them think education can change this act, but real fact is it's the educated ones who make this practice on the Top. This will not stop until humans start changing their mindset and use their brains. They need to stop literally following their family heritage. Men need to be bold and self-supportive before taking up marriage.They need to think that their prestige stands truely in not taking dowry but adoring girl's respect.

Hello,

This topic has been discussed threadbare across forums but sadly nothing has come of it nor has anything changed . I very often say, the more things change the more they remain the same . Ladies may have changed in terms of their dressing, many going in for employment etc. but when it comes to the basic social behaviour , rights etc. nothing much has changed . It is still  " Bete ki padhai and beti ki shaadi " which is of utmost importance in a lot of households as if marriage and reproduction was the entire reason for a girls existence !!  In addition how many people do you know who wouldnt frown when a woman calls a spade a spade when a no one bats an eyelid when the man does the same thing . There are different rules for men and women in society . A man's roving eye is dismissed as , c'mon men will be men , while a woman will be labelled as characterless even if she looks around absently . A woman cannot decide to marry late or decide to stay single because she doesnt feel like marrying ,why ? the entire society inclusive of her own family will conclude that something is wrong with her and will probably will take her to all sort of witch doctors to cure her. She WILL NOT be allowed to exercise her choice . Strong ? Nopes ..A man can be a social drinker and its allright, a woman cannot be one . A man can "see" lot of women before he marries one ( as if he were inspecting horses to buy after examining their teeth, hooves and tail !! - thats how it is - too dark, too fat, too short, not eough money etc. when the man himself may look like a perfect langur) . The man can look like a monkey ,be an absolute useless character and demand a lissome beauty for a wife and a yummy dowry to go with it as long as he is a man but the poor lady cant refuse him thats the way the social conditioning is currently ,so how are we empowered ? Only a handful can speak their mind and dare to do as they think right rather than follow the herd and do as they think right rather than do as they are " supposed to do " as per " kalacharam " or whatever guise the oppression is called . And these are not illiterate people we are talking about, these are educated( i call them literate people, educated is too BIG and all encompassing  a word) , city dewellers who are still stuck in this kind of mentality who follow these dictats for fear of being outcasts in the society . Its embedded in the culture , women keep fasts for long lives of their husbands, does our culture prescribe any such fasts for men for long lives of their wives ? Nah, looooong way to go before true empowerment comes and women can be truly called strong.God knows how long before things change , hopefully they will however long it takes . Apologies if this is way too long an answer : )

Well said weird earth (smita ) and yup ur answer can be added as a new blog

Thank u weird earth. Kya jaberdest bole

Gracias sangita and shobitha