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Once upon a time in a village, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10. The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. The man further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer, on his behalf. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50.' The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere! HOWISSIT???

I read this joke in a magazine recently... The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting... on a Saturday morning... after breakfast... Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office. Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone. Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile. Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones !!!!!

Humour Salary Increase If you plan to approach your boss for a salary increase, then here is a true story from which you might learn something!! One morning, a company manager discovered an unusual letter from one of his employee. Dear Bo$$, A$ all of u$ have read from the new$paper$, the economy ha$ come out of the rece$$ion. In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to our company. I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon. Your$ $incerely, $teven $tana$a$kis The next day, the employee received this reply: Dear Steven, I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet. NOw the newspaper are saying the world\'s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean. Salary...Salary...Salary...

These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected from schools!!! 1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. 2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. 4. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 6. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. 7. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. 8. Please excuse Roy Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. 9. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. 10. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. 11. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. 12. I kept Banu home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear. 13. Please excuse Jenni for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. 14. Sandy won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. 15. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. like it?

You Know It's Time To Diet When.... You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts!!. Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."!! haha!!!

Diet Rules For Cheaters 1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories!! 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda! 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do! 4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy and toast! 5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner!

1.TEACHER: Why are you late? WEBSTER: Because of the sign. TEA : What sign? WEB : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." 2.SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark? FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write? SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

1.TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. SAMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet. 2.TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? JOSE: I Don't bite any. !!!!!!!!

Devadoss meets Ramadoss : Simple Pure Joke Scene : Flower decked khota in Kolkata. Devadoss has just walked in and ordered some sharaab, shabaab and kabaab. He closes his eyes in blissful anticipation of a debauched night that will help him forget Paro. A prod to his ribs makes him open his eyes. Instead of the seductive Chandramukhi, there’s a middle-aged man with a strict moustache eyeing him critically. Devadoss is stupefied. Devadoss : Hey, who are you? Where’s Chandramukhi? Ramadoss (graciously) : Good evening. I am Anbumani Ramadoss. Anbu means love in Tamil. So when I heard that this place gives anbu for money, I realized it’s the right place for Anbumani. Hehehe. Incidentally I’ll be your host for the evening. D : You???? But this is a pleasure palace. It’s a Khota. R : Not anymore. We have changed the classification of this place from khota to quota. Therefore I have control over it. And believe me, I am going to make this a model institution. With noble AIIMS. D : Er, how? R (accusingly) : By sanitizing you. Just look at you. Riddled with vice. You drink, you smoke, you love. And society has to bear the cost. People like you are a parasite on society. And believe me, as host, I know all about parasites. D : Parasite??? R (patronizingly) : Yes. You belong to society. Your labour belongs to society. You are supposed to work and pay taxes. Not waste your time wooing women. You are supposed to be productive, not reproductive. D : But I am too sad to work. Ever since my girlfriend left me, my life has declined in every parometer. (No pun intended. It’s just his Bong accent) R : Shame on you. Don’t you know that love is bad for health. It generates an excess of hormones, pheromones and ecstatic moans. In fact, we have already banned it in all public places. Heh Heh. Ramadoss what others can’t. D : Oh forget Paro, can I have Chandramukhi? At least that is pure lust. There’s no love involved. R : Sorry. No unhealthy exchange of fluids. Especially on a commercial basis. We cannot allow people to sell their bodies. It’s indecent, immoral and untaxable. D : Er… what exactly am I to do for.... you know... my physical needs? R (conspiratorially) : Well if you want to do some naughty things with Chunnibabu, I can help you there. After all, the more gay you are, the less sad you’ll be. D : No thank you. Lemme just puff a few melancholy drags on my hookah. R : Hey, do you ever read the newspapers? Don’t you know that smoking is also banned. Especially by someone like you who is a fictional character in Bollywood. D : No hookers and no hookahs??? What am I supposed to do here? R : Why are you asking me? Do whatever. Just don’t break any law. D : Okay. Okay. Cool it. Can Chandramukhi at least dance for me? R (a bit apologetically) : Er… I don’t know how to break this to you but that is also banned. Not by me though. I think dancing is good exercise but some of my mates felt that it would take us back to the dark ages of Khajuraho & Kamasutra. However, if you do want to do a quick Salsa with Chunnibabu… D : …No. No. Anything but that. Some music? R (triumphantly) : Banned. In fact that was easy. They wanted music bands. We just banned music instead. D : C’mon man. Why do you call yourself host? Will you at least pour me a glass of wine. R : Sorry. Alcohol is bad for society. I don’t want to see anyone in front of bars. Only behind them. You’ll just have to gin & beer it… er… I mean grin & bear it. D : Listen, if I can’t get a woman, a smoke, some dance, music or even wine, how exactly do I drown my sorrows. R : Well, I’ve only banned wine. You are allowed to whine. All you want. D : Aaaaargh. I’m out of here. R : Aww. Go to health. Disclaimer : All the above characters are fictitious and any resemblance to any other fictitious characters and union ministers is entirely coincidental. Reference : If you have no clue who Devadoss is, you can read about the character he coincidentally resembles here.

I like all the jokes here! DHIL MONGE MORE!!

Hi Nidhi, that was a nice time oriented joke. Kutty

Sardar in BE campus interview. Interviewer : How does an electric motor run? Surd: dhurrrrr rrrrrr rrrrrrrr Interviewer : STOP IT at once Surd : Dhur Dhup Dhup dp dhu....

Letter to my Bank Manager
Dear Sirs, In view of current developments in the banking market, if one of my cheque

is returned marked "insufficient funds", does that refer

to me or to you? Regards Your Worried Customer

Joke for a Woman (Kutty's picks always ;) rated) One American Boy is giving his interview for admission in school. Madam: Who is your Father? His mother prompts the teacher. Madam, please ask simple questions. :D Kutty

Heaven's Clock Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a HUGE wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are the reasons for all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she has never told a lie in all her long life." "And whose clock is that?", said Hillary. "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Honest Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life." "Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked. "Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

I was going shopping to buy a gift for my wife and asked for her sizes." If it`s clothes, I wear Small," she said. "If it`s diamonds. I wear Large."

FAIR WARNING In its new suburban railway timetable, this is how the Central Railway warns ticketless travellers in Mumbai: "If you have the ticket, its good. If you don`t have it`s FINE!"