Hi Thamil, this is my opinion, nothing personal.

As far as I c, most topics that u have mentioned about have not been discussed on cmoms at all. So there is no question of generally women speaking.

There are a lot of factors that go into what a group of ladies or gents discuss.

1. Their brought up, probably if they had people around them talking on these topics, they grew up listening to it.
2. Their educational background, not in all cases though.
3. Their neighbours, you do not have a choice but to listen and reciprocate to them if you need their company. Mostly in cities u don't see people interacting much with their neighbours.
4. The class of people you interact with also matters. There are people who pick up a conversation with the maids, and this is where gossip mongers are encouraged.
5. Last of all, a place to vent out their feelings, probably if they feel close to their group of people.

Not sure if I am clear but this is what came to my mind when I read ur blog.

mmm..yes..may be true.It all depends on the educational background and brought up. I have a real problem blending with these women but they are what I meet in my life.

Thamil....

I also agree with Uthara..... Everyone has their interest and if someone's interest doesnt go well with you,pls  Stay away from the group ...

You have Cmoms and also ur book collection ...  My suggestion also is to use the free time to learn something new .. be it a lanugage , or any form of art , or studies ., Time can be spent for urself rather than getting bogged down by this crowd.

Dear  Thamil ,

                      i   don"t    inderstand  y  it  all   had  gone  to  yr  mind  so  deeply .  Think    the  plight   of  working  women ... once  they  step  out ,   everyday ,  they  hve  to  face  all  kinds  of  people ,  all  sorts  of  problems. So  its  much  more   easier  fr  homemakers  &  working  frm  home moms .  Once   u  get  to  know  their  character ,  try  to  keep  away  frm  them  .  If  thats  not  possible  ,  forget  about  them  casually .  Its   not  so  hard  nowadays  when  thr  are  so  many  activities  to  divert  ourselves . 

Thanks sayee and amutha..thats what I do now...but I have been totally cut off from all...as such I dont find time  for me at home,my hub and kids leave by 9 and my work too starts then..cant move until 3.30pm,gud that I have a very understanding maid who wont let me do any work other than cooking and ironing.(touch wood) ..then I iron clothes,make eve tiffin..kids come by 5pm...then the rest of the day jus flies looking into their studies and making dinner...no time for my neighbours but sometimes feel really lonely..when all of them  could gather have a hearty chat,go around places together,I'm unable to mix,blend...wondered if something is fundamentally wrong with me.

Hi Thamil, you can attend the cmoms meetup whenever you have time. We'll not talk about these topics, don't worry.

But since they are neighbours and you want to keep good relations with them, you can try to bring a new topic, if possible. e.g find out what their hobbies are, see if you share common hobbies, you can exchange books etc.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them...ithai naan sollala...Mother Teresa solli irukanga.

So better not to analyse how they are...True , it is not easy to find people who match one's frequency...but kutram parking sutram illai...As SSB said you have to keep yourself busy to get rid off such thoughts.

Thamil ,  i   can  see  that  you  ARE IN NEED OF A GOOD FRIEND!  May  be  you  have Close friends ,but   dont  get  enough time to spend with . Apart from household chores and looking after kids , every woman  needs  to  have some time  for herself . You  yearn  for  that  " heart chat "   your  neighbours  enjoy  , but  , not  able  to  get  along .

Even  here  my  neighbours   are  different .   Thrs  the  age  gap ,  diff  mind  set   etc .  Sometimes    nice ,  sometimes  annoying ....but  then  they  are  neighbours !  When   i  talk  to  them  i  go  with  their  story ....exept   fr  family  outpourings (   mil- dil etc) .   Its  a  kind  of  stress   reliever  fr  me  too.

So    always  keep  in  touch  with  your  friends.  Otherwise   it'll   lead   to  depression  in   the   long  run.

Thanks Amutha,poornima and SShanthi...

yes Shanthi will try to make it to CMs meet up once.

As Poornima rightly told,kuttram parkin suttram ellai...anal enna panna? when ever we hear anyone speak,automatica mansukulla oru line accept panni or decline panni oditte erukumla? ennaku adu romba adigama odudu..yen eppadi pesaranga,yen eppadi think panranganu.....i wont tell what i feel,because its their own right to be what they like but next time when i see them ninnu pesa i wont show interest. En veetuku vandal ok..nalla balde poduven but nanaga will never go..

And Amutha edu dan I wanted to know.... "is my tolerence low? Are there women of these sort every where or am I making too much a fuss of these?" Now that u say even u have such neighbours who dont match your frequency but some how cope up with them..my question still becomes strong " Is there anything wrong with me?"

No Thamil, there's nothing wrong with you. There's a lady in my building who doesn't talk to me because she has a habit of talking rudely to people and I told her 'please don't talk that way to me... we're neighbours'. Then now she doesn't even look at me, too embarassed, I think. For me, its ok. I don't worry about it. Other building members told me sorry on her behalf. Its like that....

Its very dificult getting friends (meeting daily) in this age where everyone is moving from one place to another. So just carry on. Thank God that we all meet online atleast...........

may be if you mingle with them and slowly change the topic of discussion into something nice then they might also change in due course.

u can find their positives and talk to them abt it...would give a platform for ppl to listen to what you say.."there is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread"...definitely you will find someone in that group for you. Appreciate ppl for some wonderful qualities or talents that they have ..,which they themselves might not know...

I learnt a lot from my husband as I am another person like you who struggles to find friends who match my frequency. I have discussed this topic to my husband umpteen times...every time he only says that...be a passive listener and when you get a chance to speak you should take it in the way you want ...he asks me to develop this art.

I am trying it out and shows positive result...Rombavum serious a irukka koodathu..shud develop some sense of humour which will do wonders..

k...will surely try

u are critical but also generously accepting a few things to try...lemme ask u one thing-if so many interesting questions ran in your mind....did u never get time to analyse and sort it on ur own??? u too came to the same group to find resolutions for ur problems?? why did u not go to a guy group?? why women??? if u think of the answer probably u will be able to answer ur questions on ur own......

remember men are from mars and women are from venus....all said and done.... our hormones are designed in the same way and we are of the same herd ...more or less think the same way...and we want it or not the topics revolve around the same thing all the time so we end up discussing things we want to better at / get rid of / find easier ways to do / or get creative at .......

True Vidhya...when I say

• Why is her neighbour always jealousy,problamatic,uncivilised and not of class?

 I realise I myself dont have great respect for any of my neighbours..I think I got my answer. Thanks.

Hi Thamil,

This is the time for u to think abt ur self and to change.Allocate time for u and be happy.

hi

Hi tamil,

Dont be serious in anything. Life is to live. So njoy it.

hi Tamil!!!!!

I have the same mindset now as you have mentioned in your blog. my case seems even worse since i dont even gel with family. The only two ppl I am most comfortable is my sister and my husband.

I cant inspire you and motivate you as others have done but ya i can certainly say that there is nothing wrong with you. There are people who are a little different from the crowd, if that is what you are then that is what you are!!!!

But yes being with chennai moms has helped me a lot. It has helped me more creative. I almost thought i had forgotten to socialise with ppl but at Mamma Mia i was conducting games.!!! and through out the preparations for the event there wasnt any sort of politics and gossips which women are usualy tagged with.

Next time there is something like that you have to be a part of it, i am sure it will make you feel much better.

Ohhh...relieved (sorry for that attitude) to see there is someone like me and I'm not behaving very odd.

Actully I too dont gel well with my sister and parents until they lived. My brother is jus like me-I've never heard him criticise,feel jealous,talk bad of others. He too like me wont bother about small issues...kandukkama vitruvom,sonna solliko po...enna...we wont go to that person again.

And I had this problem of criticising people from a very early age. Even as a kid I had thought  y dad shouts,y doesnt he forgive this,y is he egoistic,y my mom speaks so much of something that doesnt even deserve an attention,y they make a big fuss of this petty issue...I always felt they were rude,egoitstic and unfriendly. The result was I was left out at home-when my sister could speak to my mom for hours sharing her agony and anger,I was a silent spectator or out of irritation i'll leave the place which ultimately made them all think " eva pasam elladava".

I did find very rare cases with whom i could establish gud friendship like my daughter's drawing teacher here in Hosur. She is a Bits Pilani grad..Vowwwww.....what a lady......to take care of  her daughter she was at home for a while,running a playschool and conducting drawing classes in the evenings. now that her kid is grown up she has resumed with her structural engg....she is one person I really admired...she has connections at all levels,HI Fi ones and lower middle class too. she could treat everyone with equality,could speak with same enthusiasm to someone whom others wont bother to give  much importance,see the plus in everyone, talk only the gud about others,(at times when people hear her speak of a particular person,they imagine a certain image but when they meet in real the actual person and find out how humble he/she is they'll be shocked,but the quality and traits whatever she mentioned would be the same) she helps to make connections, create opportunities for others...wish I could be like like her.

Howmuch ever I try to respect people,couldnt stop this line running within me asking questions..May be it will take time..

Thamil,

I have been a silent observer of this particular discussion. Almost everyone have given you valuable suggestions so did not want to repeat the same.

Just wanted to know how many siblings you have and were you the eldest? Also if you could share the age difference. Romba questions ohhhh :):):)

Not at all. I am the youngest. My sis is the eldest,brother next and me last. 8 yrs difference between me and my sister and 4 years difference between me and my brother.

If somebody troubles vj(my hubs) .. i ask him do u hate him kinda? he replies sayin .. i cannot hate him (as i ve no feeling for him!)... reading ur blog i felt th same thin .. don empathize wid ppl who re not ur type.. let loose n enzoi life ! vazhkai vazhadhane!

Give me some sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance
I wanna grow up once again!!!!

Yes true. But my question is why do I find all "normal" people unacceptable? Not all I meet can be wrong,so is there anything wrong with me? 

Hi Thanil,

I think you have said things that most of us have burried deep inside ourselves. We are all born with a clean slate and what shapes our personality is what we and others around us write on that slate. Though we do not have much control on what is written on it, we do have the wiper in your hands. Wipe it clean from time to time! Beleive me, I suffer from the same ailment. As on date, I do not have a single person to call as my best friend. But, that's OKAY! I have accepted that. I used to think there was something really wrong with me! And there was! I took people(includes my close relatives and friends) on face value and thought that they meant what they said. After a lot of heartburn and hurt, I realised I am losing out on my life. I was grumpy and unhappy and making poeple around me also uncomfortable. I could have been happy all that time. Learn to be happy and you will make friends eventually. Even if you don't, it doesnt really matter! All that matters is if you are HAPPY!

Know what Dharini...its mean but, I'm happy I'm not alone. I was wondering all my life Y  I alone cudnt accept people when all of them cud move around so friendly. But I've seen the best of friends talking behind each other and being together with all closeness when they are around. I've even asked myself if I'm not practical or what?? and the next moment I'll put forth another question- what is being practical? Not being true? being opportunist? or in the name of blending playing thorough politics for survival? is survival that defines everything?  apram overa scene podade di thamil nu ennai nane mandaila thattipen!!

so what do u try tell dharini? jus stop observing people and be casual? thats nice advise..I'll try to do it even if its not going to be as easy as I say.

One thing now I'm aware is that I'm too critical aftr SriVidhya pointed out..i'll try not to be so..but this line accepting and rejecting  keeps running inside me!!! Hope I control it soon.

I typed a long response, but coulnt post it! Network problem! Will post it again tomorrow...meanwhile! Be happy! Nothing is more important than that!

 hi thamil,

nice to see all the positive responses from cmoms.... each and everybody is unique and its all about the way of expressing thoughts......... everybody will have justification for whatever they do or say........ if we are not interested in gossips its better to stay off.... 

How she even after paying huge salary isint able to get a good housemaid when her neighbour or friend who pays nothing and gives nothing gets a loyal maid!!

u have mentioned how women used to comment (good or bad) about maids....  but i happened to read ur reply and u urself have mentioned about how lucky u r to get a good maid.....,gud that I have a very understanding maid who wont let me do any work other than cooking and ironing.(touch wood)

i guess it's there in every person  to mention about their day to day routines.... but the limit is not known to some people because of the kind of exposure that they have.....but if u look into other aspects they will always have a better side..... if u don't want, u really can avoid conversation.... who knows  what others think about us .... its better to maintain distance when something doesn't suit us... don't worry about small issues...

i have heard a quote from my uncle which i like very much..."beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder"... 

Its true that when we are too judgemental about people, we cannot make friends. Even I've seen true friendship only in books and movies. But slowly I've tried not to judge a person and if there is some positive vibe then just go along. Nobody's perfect, neither are we perfect so every person will have something which we don't like. But we have to learn to accept that. I would say now that if we are happy with a person or a group of people, I would call them as friends.

Hiyoo...this finally takes a shape where you all think I keep finding fault with people for no reason. Just read what I've told as women speak in my question. Do you think its digestible?

But now I understand that most of you actully dont mind such kinda people,talk, have little laughter ,forget and move on and its only me who's making a fuss. Nice attitude,let me too try. I know its not going to be that easy,may be it will take time,but sure I can do it.

Jus my views here,

Some ppl really dont know what to speak,where to speak and how much to speak.They take everybody they speak with guaranteed and open their mind out,not knowing how much they r interested in the topic.

In case of women,i think they feel every other women shud feel their pain in their day-to-day activities, so start talking in that way,atleast they get their relief in their way.Otherwise,it's just these things they really know and they talk about the same,they r not exposed to other things in life.

In city life,u cannot even see another person wait and talk to u.That's the main reason we r all hooked to this virtual world,i can say! So if u cannot mingle with others jus stay out or be a passive listener.Coz,tht's what i do tooDont try to criticise them and be happy!!!

So happy to see u back Radhika.  Yes I shndt be criticisng them..will try to mingle,hard...but will try.

Hello Thamil ,

Completely understand ur dislike for gossip and the kind of people who indulge in the same cliches and the same topics time and again and go down the same beaten track as their previous generations and the ones before them did . But then fact remains that each one of us are different and are moulded differently as per our experiences, bringing up ,values etc. and have our reasons for being the way we are . So let us not judge others or break our heads or think too deeply about these or let these affect our moods . Just take a day at a time, count your blessings and concenterate on the things that need to be achieved in life for a fuller, happier and a more satisfying life for yourself and your loved ones . Enjoy your surroundings  :) . Also i really think there is no need to do things as everyone does, as an individual u have the sense to decide what makes u comfortable and wat makes sense to you, so make friends with whoever makes u comfortable . Need not be enemies with others, a polite smile and a quiet hello makes people automatically respect and like you, they can remain acquaintances .But having said that make sure you are never walked over and stay away from something you dont believe in or something that irritates you . Hope the sermon hasn't been too long :)

Weirdearth..am so happy tht i introduced this site to u Smita ..

Friends am sure she ll rock .. . u can see valuables from her ..

th best is yet to come :)