Thamil, 

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt.

Ithe engeyachum padichirukkeengala?  Do you know how true this is?

You said  - "We never felt bad that we hadnt furnished our home,or live in a rented house that doesnt have a modular kitchen. We never felt bad that our kid doesnt go to a branded school or we dont own hifi gadgets and dont go places for our vacations."

All these are the reasons you have created for yourself for you being inferior.  Have anyone said that you are lower than them because of these reasons?.. This is the mistake most of the people do.  This is what i have given as answer for Shylu's question in Hotseat.

I do not have a well furnished home, i live in a rented house, it doesnt have a modular kitchen, we do not have any hifi gadgets.. (oru computer 10 varshatthukku munnadi assemble panninathu irukku.. athu innikkum enakku soru poduthu), going to places for vacations??? (Anu will give an answer for this)... we never go out other than to the baba temple here or to some shop and for vacations, we go to ammma's place, and MIL's place.  but never felt inferior to any who come to my home in a brand new car, with the most expensive dresses or accessories... never checked if any of them were smiling secretly... but those who step into my home are my guests despite the category they belong.. and I feel happy about it 

Now we all discuss with moms here, some moms are close to us, some moms are fine, but we do not converse as our vibes do not match... who knows the one who doesnt talk to you may be having all hifi lifestyle and the one who talk to you and is close to you is a lower middle class woman?... I liked jayashree's explanation.  Wisdom is the only thing which can make you elite, but if that wisdom makes one person consider all other inferior to them, then that is no more called WISDOM!

So, Thamil, ... it is WISDOM what one need to be an elite person.  That wisdom, that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent should come to YOU first.  You would not see the secret smile if you had this wisdom.  You wouldnt worry about it.  Do not stay away from them.  Carry on with your friendship, if at all they have some screens in between, they will soon come out of the veil once they know your personality better.

I dont remember me indulging in such thing..seriously..instead I keep myself away from people who has such things..I always goin for simple things ..this is jus true to my heart...

 If the definition goes like this for :

an elite — a select group of people with, intellect, wealth, specialized training or experience, or other distinctive attributes.

I contradict some of it.

Firstly, no one can be elite by wealth coz wealth is the ONE matter in this materialistic world which is the most VOLATILE!

Secondly, training and experience do render some foundation for a man to become elite but they loose their value if they are not unpgraded or applied thoughtfully during the different phases of life! So, to enrich your eliteness due to training and experience, u need to be constantly UPGRADING yourself.

Thirdly, Intellect! Yes, true that this plays a major role in becoming and being elite, but channeling it in the wrong way or not balancing it with wisdom will prove disaster. So, only  Intelectual growth along with growth of wisdom will make one and keep one elite.

Thus, with this conclusion, eliteness goes with WISDOM and it is futile trying to please others and value our eliteness. Everyone is ELITE as long as they are the BEST in what they are and always looking out for intellectual progress.

ELITENESS COMES FROM MOULDED CHARACTER and remains and keeps growing even if ELITE people have a downfall in their state of wealth or health. 

Athan andre sonnargal : 

கெட்டாலும் மேண்மக்கள் à®®à¯‡à®£à¯à®®à®•à¯à®•à®³à¯‡! - à®šà®™à¯à®•à¯

சுட்டாலும் வெண்மை à®¤à®°à¯à®®à¯!

And here 'kettaalum' refers to getting down by state of wealth or health!

WHEN WEALTH IS LOST, NOTHING IS LOST!

WHEN HEALTH IS LOST, SOMETHING IS LOST!!

WHEN CHARACTER IS LOST, EVERYTHING IS LOST!!!

So, reason out the secret of your success in life and never live to please others!

ELITENESS is thus a growing brightness in personal and social CHARACTER!

Thamil - Ur words first -

"our kid doesnt go to a branded school...we dont own hifi gadgets and dont go places for our vacations. everything matters.Right from the cutlery in my kitchen to the mat inside my car.."

As for me - My kid doesnt go to a branded school, no hi-fi gadgets(if worn-out 2> yr old mobiles count as gadgets, then yes), havent been to "places" for vacations, i only have utensils in my kitchen and no, i have never noticed the mat inside the car..so where does that leave me..?

I have friends who have all of the above, infact i have siblings who are much "elite"er(is that a word??) than me, but never has this eliteness or the lack of it, peeped inside the relationship or friendship.

The "another" sort of elitism u r referring to is better known as "groupism". Its there in some form or the other, everywhere, even amongst children !

"pls yarum,nan manidargaali dan madippenu dialouge vidadeenga" - "Manidhan" nna yaaru..man is the sum total of the physical & mental self, his language, his profession, his dress, his likes dislikes..many more things..

Respect somebody for what he is nna yenna ? "what" is a person ? Ellam serndhadhu thaane manidhan..?

Ippo cmoms le we dont allow men..adhu kooda "groupism" or even "elitism" thaane ? Appuram idhu sollalenna yeppadi..there is definitely groupism here also, though it is not offensive to anybody.

Suthi valaichi pointukku vandhuttenn...

As long as this "elitism" is not going to hurt anybody, never look down upon anybody, never ridicule anybody even non-verbally, this elitism should not be a bother !

Appurm andha "secret smile" guests, if i had them over, i wouldnt give a damn..about them, and also about those branded schools, vacation places and car mat..

I think all human beings are elitist in one way or the other. The aim is to be belong to one or more groups of similar people, similar thoughts or backgrounds so that you be called the majority. Nobody likes to be in the minority. Maybe because its evolution its always better to belong to a group and go ahead than to be isolated and be defeated.

I remember an incident in which one lady - who I had only recently met - asked me what car I have. I was shocked and stunned but as I'm not an expert in one-liners, I answered her question straight-forwardly. But later in my mind, several answers were floating like 'Why do you want to know?', 'Should I answer your question?' etc but thankfully didn't meet her afterwards.

Wisdom does bring in a sense of elitism,( everyone is not on the same plane that is a fact, they have different levels of thinking and understanding) but it should be tempered with even headedness and most importanly HUMILITY , so that ones feet are firmly on the ground even if they are touching the clouds . Feet being firmly on the ground and being humble, one will not tend to feel superior but with be thankful for what they have and will look at others and treat others as their equals . And trying to be with people who are of the same level of thinking and who understand one better is not necessarily bad , after all birds of the same feather flock together,however being a snob is highly undesirable . But vanity has no place within wisdom since as someone said,  wisdom vanishes when vanity ( not pride -pride is a +ve characteristic) raises its not so pretty head , since

wisom = intelligence+character . Hope my blabbering makes sense to someone

@ MOMRJ6 , Sranj, Shylu and Smitha - well said....

There are two different ways to look at it !! 

Being Elite and having a feeling / achievement of being elite is not a crime ...any human will have elitsm to an extend..it may not even be visible outside...but it is quite natural .... but the point here is -  it shouldnt hurt others ..And if you have earned everything with all hard work - Be it wealth , some skill , position  , then  it is also a reason to be  pride but not to be prejudice about what you Possess and others wont !

If you assk me , the best way to ignore these kind of people is NOT TO RECOGNIZE THEIR EXISTENCE !!!

And wisdom - i go with all ....

Wisdom doesnt make you feel superior to others - REAL WISDOM makes one person to be humble and modest.... not mingling with a group may not be because of one feels superior to others..but it is the matter of BEING WHERE YOU CAN BE URSELF ! there is something called compatibility - and if you know for sure that you dont BELONG to particular crowd, then WISDOM enables you to stay away fromm where you dont think you may do a better job ..it will be trouble fo you and others as well .....

no one is here on earth to talk to everyone , be good to all , be togehter with everyone... !! if someone says so , ,then i think there is a serious problem with that person ..

it is after all our life.. all i will say is

NEVER LIVE FOR OTHERS and NEVER LET OTHERS LIVE yOUR LIFE FOR YOU !!!

I think it all starts with the discrimination we see in childhood, how our parents behave with other people. So agree with Nisha that raise the child without an inferiority or superiority complex. Very well said but very very difficult to implement. The balance always goes one side or the other.